:: Lighter Shades of Grey ::

:: Monday, May 10, 2004 ::

Update your links, friends...

http://rmfo-blogs.com/chrissy


:: Chrissy 3:38 PM [+] ::
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Okay. So I know that I can be confrontational about LOTS of things, but when it comes to my own heart and people hurting me...I would just rather walk away from it.

Why? Because it's easier. While the matter can weigh on your heart for sometime after, you can still just let it go and hope to eventually get over it. I know this sounds like a load of crap, but it's what I've found to be the easiest.

Is it the best way to go? I'm not sure yet.

I think I'll just keep testing my theory until it goes wrong.
:: Chrissy 2:39 PM [+] ::
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God will use you at ANY point in time for the glory of His kingdom.

Today I went to a Bible study with Vicki and met 8 other Irish women who all were equally grand (that's a big word over here). We ended up spending the whole study time in prayer for each other and the Christian church in Ireland. Vicki told me in the car on the way to Bible study that the Irish are not inclined to open-up and share their personal lives and struggles. She said that that boundary has been the hardest part about working and ministering here. But this morning, there was a breakthrough...

Sondra, who has been a member of this particular Bible study for a long while, came in this morning slightly frazzled. As we began to pray, she interrupted and said, "Could I share something?" The whole room stopped. She went on to tell us that her 15 year old son, Lloyd, has not been coming home on the weekends. He's been out drinking and smoking hash with his friends. This, in turn, has made her marriage miserable. The very words "I hate God" came out of her mouth this morning. She was weeping the whole time. After we lifted her up in prayer for about 30 minutes, Grace (another woman in the study and a close friend to Sondra) invited Vicki and I out to have lunch with them at the local pub in Maynooth. So, we joined them. As we were walking up to the front door of the pub, Vicki turned to me and said, "Chrissy, I really think you should share your testimony with Sondra. I think it would really encourage her." We met the ladies inside and began our chat. Vicki opened the door for me to share...and I did. As nervous as I was, I prayed hard before I started to speak and let God lead my mind and my heart.

As we were leaving this afternoon, both Sondra and Grace said to me, "I really hope the Lord has you here next year. We would LOVE to have you here." I hugged Sondra and she said to me with tears in her eyes, "God has sent an angel to me today."

I could do nothing else but cry.

My God is supernatural indeed.
:: Chrissy 5:02 PM [+] ::
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It is 11:45pm in Dublin and all is well. :)

For a few in my family who still read this, I thought I'd update my trip for you since I haven't had time to send out e-mails.

I've have had such an amazing week. Not only is Ireland a beautiful country, but the people here are so warm and generous.

I have spent the week with the Gilliams (the family that I've known and loved for seven years now) and am continually in awe of how God has been blessing this trip.

I spent St. Patty's Day in downtown Dublin, which is an experience of a lifetime...literally. It was crazy. It was great. I've been travelling to different towns outside of the city and meeting folks, etc. But yesterday was my big day...

I met with the members of M.A.P. (Mission Apprenticeship Program-the program I will be joining next year) to discuss with them what life is like over here in Ireland. There are eight of them: Karon, Lara, Michelle, Erica, Cathy, Stephen, Andrew and Ritchie. I went into City Centre to see where they live, to eat dinner with them, and then to go have a pint in Temple Bar with all of them. These eight people could not have BEEN more welcoming and honest with me about their lives here and how drastically the Lord is changing them on a day-to-day basis. They all have just gotten back from a trip to the Ukraine where God is doing some amazing things. I was so encouraged to hear their testimonies and how the Lord brought them all to the mission field. So encouraged. I plan on meeting their team leaders next week, whom I will be working with next year, and spending more time with the team.

I am desperately falling in love with this country.
:: Chrissy 5:38 PM [+] ::
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I wish I could think of something witty to write about. :)

Ah, well.

I leave for Ireland in three days. And while I'm so effin' excited for my trip...I couldn't be more scared. This trip determines my life for the next couple of years.

I think my biggest fear is that the team/team leaders won't like me. I tend to have rocky starts with Christians, anyway. I have that problem of being blunt and saying whatever is on my mind at the moment. If I have said this before...I'll say it again..."I have no inner monologue".

Ah, well.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see how the Lord uses this trip in my life. Being nervous is a good thing, I think. Especially in this situation.

In other news...I'll be with one of my best friends in Scotland in two weeks. I can't wait to see her. :)
:: Chrissy 11:21 AM [+] ::
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After my drug addiction...I had lots of doubts and problems when it came to myself and my reassurances. The ONE thing that I held onto day after day was smoking cigarettes....which, if you know me well, will explain why I have such a hard time giving them up.

I was told the other night at work that I have an addictive personality. Now, when that phrase came out of Adriann's mouth, my first thought was, "Does that mean that people who are around me feed off of my energy?" Then, she explained it to me in a few, simple words: You can easily become addicted.

AddictED.

I thought I had already gone through the phase in my life where I really wrestled with drugs and drinking. But it doesn't just stop there folks...oh no it does not. I am addicted to TV. I am addicted to movies. I am addicted to a great beer and good conversations. I am addicted mozzerella sticks from Applebee's. I'm addicted to Counting Crows. And the list goes on and on...

I guess I'm just worried. Once you have an addictive personality, do you always have one or is it something you simply shake?

These are all things I need to consider as I travel over to Ireland. These are things I wish I could let roll off my back and get on with my life.

But I guess we all have our own baggage.

:: Chrissy 3:03 PM [+] ::
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Why do I have to be allergic to cats? Seriously. It seems as if ALL of my friends here in Dallas have cats...and if they don't right now, they are going to get one soon. My friend Stephanie bought two air purifiers to put in her apartment just so I could come over and hang out without being miserable. I mean...the gesture was so nice, but do I have to be that much trouble?! C'mon. Plus, I don't really have a problem with cats...

Actually...that's a lie.

I lived with one last year when I was living with my roommate Becky. It literally was the worst year of my life. Sneezing...coughing...itching. I could only go into my bedroom and bathroom without getting sick. That is no way to live. It almost got to the point that I would've rather had a fork stuck in my eye than have lived with Becky and her demon pussy.

I will never forget my one night of bliss last spring. Becky and I were out on our balcony (on the third floor) smoking a cigarette and having a drink. Mattie, her cat, decided to come outside, as she usually did to sit with us. Mattie liked to walk on the edge of the balcony overlooking one of the courtyards at our apartment. It had been raining, so the balcony was very slick on the edge. *snicker*snicker* We both stood up to go inside and as Becky called Mattie to come in, Mattie turned to look at us and slipped right off of our third story balcony into a mud puddle below. I ran to the edge to look over, only to see Mattie sprawled out, squirrel-style falling...paws spread and body spread out into the night sky. The whole time she fell, I was praying, "Please Lord...let her die". I know that sounds cruel....but that damn cat wasn't paying almost $600 in rent per month. Needless to say, she survived the fall. But she NEVER ventured out onto the porch again.

Man, that's a great story.

:: Chrissy 12:44 PM [+] ::
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